At the back of my mind

My mind's in a whirl. I've only been avoiding my thoughts all these while. Convincing myself daily that I've forgotten everything is just a lie made up by my mind to keep me sane. Im tired and yes, I eventually caved in. This feeling is indescribable. I cannot differentiate between hate and missing you anymore. Based on my knowledge I've died long ago in your eyes. I'll never want the past back for I know I deserve better and I was never really loved anyway. But feelings cannot be controlled and I don't know why I am missing you tonight. I guess you'll never stop loving someone but you'll learn to live without them someday. I hope the day comes when I can develop feelings for someone else, feeling so neutral towards everyone and everything isn't really a good thing cause I'll never be able to erase you off my mind. It has been 4 months. Im pretty much a loser trying to forget for so long, yet failing everytime. What is it that is keeping me stranded on this hopeless island of emotions? I have to buck up. Slowly let go. I can do this. If my efforts were worth as little as trash, I can see how much I was valued. I'll keep trying, I'll get there one day. I need to forget you. Thanks for moulding me into someone who is now always prepared to face challenges, someone who is no longer a weakling. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

For a drunk heart speaks a sober mind.

Happy Chinese New Year 2012 everyone :)